What a Hostage Negotiator Can Teach Us About Behaviour Change

7 Communication Techniques for Effective Behaviour Changes

Communication is more than just a soft skill – it is fundamental to supporting any influence that we can have over another person.

We often assume we are good communicators, but in reality, we tend to speak from our own perspective, shaped by our beliefs and experiences. Most conversations happen unconsciously, without a clear purpose. To truly influence behaviour, we must be intentional, actively listening and responding in a way that builds trust and understanding.

We have split Nicky’s advice into seven sections, with theory and research to support each technique and provide extra context.

Who is Nicky Perfect?

Nicky Perfect is a former international hostage and crisis negotiator with 31 years of experience in the Metropolitan Police, where she spent a decade in a specialist negotiation unit.

Initially confident in her communication skills, Nicky had an epiphany during her training, realising that effective negotiation is about quickly building trust, understanding emotions and influencing behaviour.

Her expertise in negotiation directly relates to behaviour change, as both require creating trust, understanding needs, and guiding people through change. Nicky’s approach demonstrates how negotiation techniques can drive meaningful, lasting behaviour change in any context.

Dealing with emotional responses

Nicky’s first piece of advice is to communicate with people in a logical state rather than an emotional state.

Our brain operates in two modes: emotional and logical. The emotional state is five times stronger, meaning our instinctive reaction when challenged is often emotional pushback. This is a survival mechanism rooted in the fight, flight or freeze response.

In discussions – especially those around change – this reaction can manifest as aggression, interruptions or dismissive language. Others may avoid the conversation altogether, staying silent or refusing to engage. To create meaningful dialogue, we must build relationships that helps people shift from an emotional state to a logical one, where they can process information more rationally.

Dig into the seven behaviour change techniques – including how to transform an emotional state into a logical one – by downloading the whole guide for free.